You work out of a Hotel?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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