is your mom at the bar?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
