jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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