did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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