Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
