she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
