ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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