I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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