I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
