Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
