matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It was confusing and full of hummus
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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