at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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