im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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