Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
