We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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