you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize