That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
