Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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