Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My vagina is very pro this idea
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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