Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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