I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
