I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
