how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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