piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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