I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
