clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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