She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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