You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
