Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
