Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
