you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My balls are so social today.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
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You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
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I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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