I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Did I show you my penis last night?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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