I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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