I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
