don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
