if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
