I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
