The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
we're making bets on your personal life
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
