did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
