in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
