until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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