Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
