yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
