1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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