I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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