Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
