Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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