In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I love how my cats smell like pot.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
