Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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