Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
