it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
