She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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