He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
