I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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