As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
