I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
