i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
