He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
