i permit you to call me
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We were destined to go to rehab together
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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