Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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