Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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