Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
